My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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