I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
