You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
