Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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