His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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