My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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