Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize