now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just had sex on a roof
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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