Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
