PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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