My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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