Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
that's an acceptable place to lick
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
