i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
