we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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