I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Your dad touched me again.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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