just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
