I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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