She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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