I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
