It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
