i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
