sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
