dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
