Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
