What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
