I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Mom said you looked used
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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