I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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