He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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