Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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