i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
