Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
