So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
vagina is talking i cant
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
