So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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