Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
