I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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