i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize