I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
