he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize