Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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