OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
