yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
