Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
