Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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