Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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