I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
