We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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