If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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