does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
