Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
