Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
