Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
