she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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