I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize