I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize