she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
