I haven't been this sober since birth.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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