so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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