I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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