Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
