the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize