Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
