if i can run in heels then i can drive
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
