If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
