I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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