don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
