i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
