Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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