Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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