$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
