i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
