Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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