$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
do herpes really smell.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
