Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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