I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
