Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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