when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
50% drunk capacity currently
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize