i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
