I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
