Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
