I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
