Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
