And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
