My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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