So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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