just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
