If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm too high and old for this...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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