i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
