dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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