You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
