I'm so fucking centered right now
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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