Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
