your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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