he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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