i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
