dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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