I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
