They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
