oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
