I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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